
5 years ago today BD lost his mom. And with her he also lost his biggest fan.
We all did.
There are many things about this time I wish to forget, but know I never will. Like the blinding flashes of emergency vehicle lights. Or hearing the doctor mutter "she's not going to make it" and Michelle, just 14 at the time, looking up at me with big worried eyes to innocently ask "what does that mean?" The pain of watching someone you love suffer so deeply. The pain of not knowing how to help. Every time during the next endless year that BD awoke in the night shaking, sobbing, and we couldn't talk, but cried helplessly together. All the pressure. Pressure. Pressure.
Release.
There are more things about this time I hope to never forget. Like the last precious words I heard her speak about family. The last kisses. The way BD and his siblings rallied around their father and managed to carry each other. And still carry one another. Her confident testimony in her faith. Her faith alone. The overwhelming outpouring of love. All things "Judy." Remarkable stories, memories that surfaced about her that no one had known, and that cannot be forgotten. Her love, her laugh. The undeniable confirmation that this life is not the end of an eternal family.
A lot changes in 5 years. But I've learned that sorrow lasts forever. And although things will never be the same, we can live so that one day, after this life, things will be more than better. I'm so grateful that I knew her, that she loved me. She continues to positively effect my life today. And I'm so looking forward to someday showing my children her picture and whispering "this is your grandma Judy, and she's your biggest fan."