Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Our Biggest Fan

5 years ago today BD lost his mom. And with her he also lost his biggest fan.
We all did.
There are many things about this time I wish to forget, but know I never will. Like the blinding flashes of emergency vehicle lights. Or hearing the doctor mutter "she's not going to make it" and Michelle, just 14 at the time, looking up at me with big worried eyes to innocently ask "what does that mean?" The pain of watching someone you love suffer so deeply. The pain of not knowing how to help. Every time during the next endless year that BD awoke in the night shaking, sobbing, and we couldn't talk, but cried helplessly together. All the pressure. Pressure. Pressure.
Release.
There are more things about this time I hope to never forget. Like the last precious words I heard her speak about family. The last kisses. The way BD and his siblings rallied around their father and managed to carry each other. And still carry one another. Her confident testimony in her faith. Her faith alone. The overwhelming outpouring of love. All things "Judy." Remarkable stories, memories that surfaced about her that no one had known, and that cannot be forgotten. Her love, her laugh. The undeniable confirmation that this life is not the end of an eternal family.
A lot changes in 5 years. But I've learned that sorrow lasts forever. And although things will never be the same, we can live so that one day, after this life, things will be more than better. I'm so grateful that I knew her, that she loved me. She continues to positively effect my life today. And I'm so looking forward to someday showing my children her picture and whispering "this is your grandma Judy, and she's your biggest fan."

20 comments:

The P*dunc's said...

I remember the hug she gave me one of the first times that I met her. I came from a non-hugging family. I remember feeling so welcomed and loved by her, just because she gave me a hug.

Two Wheeler said...

Thanks for the post G, I sure am lucky to have you!

Tiffany said...

That is so beautiful. I think it's nice to believe that you never lose a grandma. =)

{lizzythebotanist} said...

what a great tribute. and photo. you're such a great writer. after my first sleepless night i'm now in tears. thanks!

Amy said...

What a beautiful post! You are a great writer and it sounds like she was a REALLY great person. Even after 5 years I am sad for your loss and I send my deepest sympathies.

Jess said...

Great tribute to Judy Gina! I'm with you that sorrow does last forever, but at least it does get easier to manage with the time. Where would we be without the knowledge that we will be together again? Love you guys

Lacy said...

Wow Gina.. I didn't expect to look at your blog today and cry. You are such strong person. What a great family you married into.

Mindi said...

wow. i must be ragin' full of hormones, because i can't stop the tears coming on this one. i usually am a little more 'hardcore' than that. i think i needed this today.

you wrote it beautifully, gina.
what a tribute!

Debbie said...

What a sweet tribute Gina, Judy was the nicest mom. She always made me feel so welcome in her home.

Marriott & Ali said...

So beautifully written Gina, as always. I miss my wonderfully supportive Aunt Judy as well. I could ALWAYS count on getting a B-day card from her with all the other cute scribbled signatures of her kids on it. She truly was an amazing person and her legacy is most definitely being carried on by you guys. I have no doubt that she is one proud mother up there in heaven and can't wait to be with you all again someday. Love you all so much!

Wildings said...

G, what a sweet tribute! I too am in tears, it must be those hormones! =) You are an amazing writer. Love you guys!

Shauna said...

Gina, I too didn't expect to get all teared up from reading your blog. It made me really appreciate family and how sad it would be to loose my own Mom. Good thing we know families are forever.

Heather said...

I too will never forget Aunt Judy! She was such an amazing person. She was always one of the first visitors that I had when I had my babies and always the one giving the showers, etc. I have also thought a lot about her recently. She is and always will be greatly missed but always remembered for the amazing person she was. You are all such an amazing family, what a great tribute! It was fun to see you guys last week.:)

Anonymous said...

I am also in tears. June 7th will mark 13 years since Dale left us. Life ends, but love doesn't. Interesting thing is that as we get stronger, so does the love that we feel for family. My heart is with all the Duncan family as you honor a fantastic lady.
Bekcy Tuttle

Tuttles said...

That's a great tribute Gina. You are so sweet. I didn't know her but I've heard that she was amazing. My thoughts are with the Duncan family.

Emily said...

Judy was so sweet. I remember going to the Duncans house to hang-out and she was ALWAYS so sweet, fun and nice. Great tribute. What a lucky family. Love ya.

special k said...

Gina, what a beautiful post! How very proud she must be of you both. Thanks for sharing.

Lisa P. said...

Gina, this is a beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing your precious memories.

Natlee Lloyd said...

Wow, I don't know what to say except that I loved Judy too like so many! She was always so welcoming to anyone in her house at anytime of day. Just being around her you knew her family was the most important thing in her life and that she was an amazing, patient, and supportive mother, and still is today! My heart aches for your family. I know she is cheering you on from the other side and is so proud of all of you!

McCleary Ways said...

Gina that was amazing, thankyou!! What an amazing mom and I hope my kids know how much I love them liked she did!!