While I'm traveling Down Under I thought I'd post some excerpts from my IVF Journal. At this point, you're wondering how many parts are there?! I'm long-winded, you should know that. But we're almost to the good part, I promise. It's been super scary to put these things out in the open, so thank you for allowing me this reflection.
Getting Back to Reality 4/14/2011
The initial shock is beginning to wear off and I'm finally starting to see beyond this little bump in the road. We can never understand why this seems impossible and out of reach, but I know Heavenly Father has a plan for our family. As tough as this reality has been, there have also been moments of understanding and tender mercies the last few days. Brad and I are really leaning on one another and this will ultimately bring us closer together. I've been promised in a blessing that this will open doors that otherwise may not have opened. So there is hope still! In the meantime I'm letting it go, learning to accept, and looking forward to the next time. Because I am not done fighting for this.
I feel sick in my stomach. Like there is a strong pain right where my babies are supposed to be. My body can feel that something is missing. My mind is holding on to something that was never there. My heart is still breaking. Again and again. Over and over. And all I want to do is throw up.