Saturday, December 31, 2011

What's in a Year?

On January 1, 2011 we arrived back home after spending two beautiful weeks in Brazil. The following 364 days have been some of the most exciting, devastating, and yet blessed days of my whole life. This entire year has been focused around nothing other than getting pregnant. Let's recap shall we? This is my cliff notes version of how I got pregnant. But for the record, I could write a novel.
On January 2nd we started our first round of IVF with daily injections. Ouch! I must really want to get pregnant. We blogged about Brazil. I traveled for work and by some miracle was able to give myself 6 shots. I really wanted a medal for that. Three weeks later we had to cancel that cycle because my body did not respond to the hormone treatment. I cursed my stupid body. I was released from Young Womens and called to teach Relief Society. I cried some.
In February I tried to relax, focus on early morning piano lessons, and just be present in what was happening in the world around me. I was desperately trying to catch myself from slipping further into depression. I turned 29 and tried not to think about it. BD surprised me with a new oven! I dove headstrong into work. Harder. Faster. Longer. BD was a trooper.
In March I baked up a storm. It was therapeutic. March was also all about second chances and we tried our hand at another round of IVF. BD had to travel for work and I volunteered my neighbor friend (bless her!) to give me daily injections. Different protocol. I went batsh*t crazy from the hormones. Don't pretend you didn't notice. On the last day of the month we had two surviving embryos implanted. We were 100% certain this was going to work.
In April Tom and Todd stayed with us and pampered me on my sick days. The pregnancy did not take. We were devastated. Everyone was devastated. I cursed my stupid body, again. BD biked a lot. I cried a lot. We got sucked into the Royal Wedding, if only for something to take our minds away. We heavily grieved the loss of an expectation. It was not the funnest month, per say.
In May BD whisked me away to Deer Valley over Mother's Day weekend for some R&R. I started tennis lessons with friends. BD traveled lots for work. We saw Les Miserables. We focused on each other and did things that made us happy. I walked every morning with friends and it felt good. My body was slowly returning to normal. My emotional state was beginning to heal.
In June we went to San Diego and drove Bruce home. BD loves Bruce. It was a treat to sit by the ocean and hear the waves crash. BD went to Youth Conference and rafted the Bear River. Not quite ready to open ourselves up again to IVF just yet, we embraced Summerness in all it's glory.
In July we hosted a BBQ and it rained. BD ran the Bryce Canyon Half Marathon with his siblings and rocked it. We spent a weekend in Park City with friends and loved on their baby girl. It opened our hearts to think about IVF again. I started being aware of all the things that truly make me happy. It always helps to count your blessings.
In August BD went on the Scout 50 Miler and I prayed they wouldn't get struck by lightning. I started an acupuncture regimen for fertility. BD glued himself to everything Tour of Utah. Big sister got married, I made a wedding cake! We started round 3 of IVF. More hormones. More injections. More crazy. More mula. More hope, though.
On Labor Day, September 5th, we had another two embryos implanted. We were hopeful, of course, but more so certain that we were doing the right thing whatever the outcome would be. It is surreal to see your potential children through a microscope. You can't imagine how much love you feel for something you can barely see with a naked eye. On September 17th we received a call from the clinic confirming that I was pregnant. We couldn't believe it. In fact, I challenged the nurse on this fact and she had to reassure me several times that I really was pregnant. The numbers don't lie! In an instant our whole paradigm changed. 
In October BD turned 30, we had visitors from Germany, watched Ellie for a weekend, enjoyed campfires up the canyon, and celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. But mostly we did nothing but think about, talk about, and revel in the newness of this pregnancy. BD became very protective of his new little family. I was tired and nauseous and doing my best to finish a full day of work. But we were oh so happy.
In November I spent a weekend at Sundance with girlfriends. We passed the 13 week mark and our Dr. gave us a thumbs up, the baby is strong, the pregnancy viable. I thank God everyday for my beautiful body and it's ability to sustain this little life. I love to check every pregnancy symptom off my list with pride. I want to feel it all. I don't take any of it for granted. We celebrated Thanksgiving with my family. We are indeed thankful for a miracle.
In December my belly started to pop out and I embrace my new curvier curves. BD is obsessed and wants to be touching my stomach at all times and in all places. I'm learning to embrace that, too. News of the baby is reaching far and wide, which is fun. We're happy to be spreading good cheer. It's only starting to become real. I began to feel the baby kicking and poking around inside. I love this feeling more than anything in the world. On December 30th at 19.5 weeks we found out the gender of Baby Duncan. We are thoroughly shocked, but elated just the same. Not that we wouldn't have been either way...

And that pretty much sums up our year. Two-thousand Eleven. The year of the pregnancy.


C*K*J said...

This post made me teary. What a rollercoaster year it has been. I'm not sure there are many people who are more excited for Baby Duncan than us. We love you guys, we have prayed for you and continue to do so and we love the heck out of that little peanut already!! xo
(and seriously... could your little baby bump be any cuter? geesh)

Ashlee said...

I send you my upmost congrats! What a year and what a couple you two are. You two are truly amazing. I can't think of more deserving couple. So I am hanging, what is the gender?

Luke Gunderson said...

Congrats! I couldn't be more excited for you guys.

Lindsay said...

Best blog post evah!!! You are a strong woman with such positivity, which I'm sure was hard to find this last year. But you did and you are a huge inspiration. I just adore you both and can't wait to squeeze little baby Duncan!!

{lizzythebotanist} said...

ah, now i'm crying. i am seriously over the moon for you guys i can't even stand it. this baby is going to loved like no other. and i'm glad we get to have little friends ;)

Thompson Family said...

Congratulations!!! I am so excited for you. Love that baby bump - you're adorable!

Tuttles said...

Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!

Elizabeth Madsen said...

What a year!!! My dearest G, I'm so glad you are finally blogging about your miraculous journey. It's been a privilege sharing in some of your pain and joy along the way. Here's to an even more miraculous 2012! Love you!

Tom said...

Um, you forgot to mention that I bankrupted you in Monopoly on New Years Eve. :)

Alex said...

I loved this post. You are a saint and seriously amaze and inspire me in every way. Thanks for sharing. I can't imagine the heartbreak but think all the more of you for it. I can't wait to meet (or read about) your little one. So precious, already.